Realization

You spent years telling me how I felt and what I thought ... 95 percent of the time you were wrong , but you never believed it . So irrefutabley certain of your rightness .. Blind to everything else. It's like all those years you didn't know me .. I was a projection of what you thought I should be . Shaking off the dusty layers and spreading my wings feels amazing 

sometimes those who wander are lost

have you ever woken up one day and felt surreal , like you were living in a salvador dali painting.
just slightly out of phase with the rest of reality, your sky one shade darker .
your heart a feather weight heavier, your soul dancing lonely on the head of a pin.
outside looking in all is well..inside looking out , drifting in the eye of a hurricane
waiting to be pulled apart by the gale force winds of life.
ghosts of souls who have gone before whispering softly
i can't understand the words .
close your eyes and spin slowly into oblivion

what ever happened

intimate touch
exploring bodies
fulfilling needs
soft caresses
sighs of pleasure
time and attention
lost
what's left
unsatisfied lover
wondering
how to get it all back

ugh so done with this day !! nothing but arguments and hassle. with tomorrow being a full moon, friday the 13th , and Merc retrograde...things do not look brighter on the horizon... but at least I am on vacation for a week.

Rainy day joy

I love walking the garden in the rain. Rain refreshes and renews . Even a weary soul can be reborn in the rain . 

I am a stormed tossed ship , beaten on every side by the chaotic waves of life.  There is no land in sight.

ruminations

one day I woke up and realized that although he may know my likes and dislikes, things I am interested in , etc.....he doesn't really know my soul .... or my motivations. What he thinks are my guiding reasons..he has completely wrong. After all these years you would think he would have figured that out...but it's not the first time he has been incorrect in his assumptions. I think no matter how many years one spends with another human.. you never really know who they are in their heart. and they will always find ways to surprise you both pleasantly and unpleasantly. we are always growing and changing , always becoming... Ever since the fire...I have seen him change , a slow progression of anger and guilt ... it does not sit well in his heart. He has been feeding the wrong wolf and it grows stronger everyday. my heart hurts watching this happen and there is nothing I can do to help.  I can only pray that he finds his way back love.