messages

woke up this morning and felt energized. cleaned , scrubbed, mopped the entire kitchen. All the while contemplating the conversation I had with my teen daughter the previous evening. She is angry and sad that our life has changed. Even though she loves the new house and understands why we had to leave the old one....She still longs for her "Home" where she took her first steps and said her first words . She misses the large yard and the tire swing. How can I fill that void here and make this feel more like home...I pondered all this while cleaning. I then decided to bake. I made banana bread because the bananas needed to be used. When I picked up the recipe book ...a card fell out...my great grandmother's  doughnut recipe. I remember as a child that yummy goodness , racing to the kitchen to be the first one to try the new batch. just the smell of them cooking made me smile. I remember on halloween , all the kids in the neighborhood wanted Nannie's doughnuts. I used to make them when the girls were small, and they would smile when they smelled them cooking. I have not made them in about 4 years, It's hard to bake love when you are sad and lost. So I began to mix a batch...and the kids could smell them cooking....and they raced to the kitchen to be the first one to try the new batch....and the smiles on their faces ...yeah i know that feeling...love, home, memories, all in a bite flooding through the brain creating happiness. Nannie's doughnuts may not be the answer to everything, but I think it was a good start to making "Home" right here in our hearts. Thanks Nannie for the reminder that it is the small things we do that make a big difference in the lives of those we love.

living

It is so strange the difference I feel living in my new home. I actually want to be home . I love the energy , warmth, and love that is filling this space. I sleep so peacefully here, no waking up 3 or 4 times a night to footsteps on the stairs or pacing by my bedroom door. It is amazing how the absence of one person makes my whole life better. I feel lighter, happier. I did not realize how malignant and oppressive my old living situation was until I left. I did not realize how all that negative energy was effecting me. Looking back, I can only wonder how I survived always being on guard, stressed, and cautious every moment of every day in that house. Life is so much more alive here. I have emerged from a cocoon of despair and entered oz. colors are more vibrant, laughter more infectious, my soul more serene. some days it still feels like a dream, the dream of freedom I have had for the last four years. I am amazed every day that I was able to make it happen. I was able to take my idea of what i wanted in life and make it a tangible reality. I heartily thank the universe for all the little miracles that had to occur for this dream to be. life is good.

Snowy days

Living in the adirondacks brings snowy winter days. So beautiful to watch, not so much fun to drive in. We were blessed with almost 2 feet of snow over the last 4 days. Noticing that living in town there is no place to put the snow. Definitely need better snow removal than a shovel.

on my brain this morning

photo by Jeni Ferguson

"There is a road , no simple highway, between the dawn and the dark of night" ~ the late grateful Jerry Garcia

What will you do with the path you have chosen? what miracles will you witness on your road today?

Will you be too busy to notice the beauty of frosty windows? What will your choices bring you?

Will you hear the music in the air? Will you feel the heartbeat of nature? Between this dawn and this dark of night , What memories will you create? Your life is the sum of your choices, make it rich and full of wonder.

photo by Jeni Ferguson

There is beauty in simple things.
There is life in black and white.
I prefer shades of gray.
I wander , I see.
marvelous unfoldings.
miracles in miniature.
where is the wind blowing you?

sipping 9 bend dragon tea , contemplating .... I seem to do a lot of that. tea and thinking. It is a theme through my life. I have a journal, a beautiful blue one given to me by a very dear friend. I am going to write all my brilliant revelations. who knows ..maybe in 2000 years people will tell my stories and maybe  even found a religion . time to get out of my head and into the reality of my day.

settling into new routines. the crazy rush of moving in is slowing. this house feels like home. more everyday I feel amazed by the changes I have wrought in my life in such a short time. I asked the Universe to bring me peace, and then I made a conscious effort to find a space to create that peace. together the Universe and I have brought into reality that which I was dreaming of. as this new path opens before me I am ever choosing positive answers to life's new questions. seeking to live kindness and breathe compassion. striving to always be a light in the darkness. sometimes I slip or stray ..but always I find my way back into the heart .

Life is Good.