A Sunday well spent

Started new gardens . I miss my garden at the old house, but I am excited to redesign my back yard. Possibilities......endless

I just can't comprehend people sometimes.

My ex husbands behavior is so foreign to me.  He tells folks I am keeping his daughter from him, yet he won't call me to schedule parenting time. When , by some miracle, I can get a hold of him he says he is too busy and has no money so he can't pick her up. He doesn't understand that she doesn't want money or to go places where you have to spend money. She just wants quality time hanging out with her dad. There are so many free things to do, take a walk/hike, play one on one basketball , watch movies at his home. The next morning we see photos of him and his girlfriends' boys hiking, hanging out, etc. He calls to ask her to when her games are , and then never shows up. What could be more important than being there for your child? He has no job so his excuse that he has no time is a load of bullshit. Then he has the nerve to call my Fiance and ask him if he can get sports autographs for his girlfriends kids and asks him to be a reference on his resume. Seriously, he got fired a year ago for shoplifting from a store he was working in, he doesn't help support his daughter, there are rumors he is hanging out with jailbait.....what kind of reference does he think he will get?
When it comes to bad decision making my Ex is clearly the king.What angers me the most is watching my daughter hurt due to his poor choices. There is nothing I can do to make this better. I am so glad that my Fiance is in her life. He is a strong , kind, compassionate role model for her, and he supports her emotionally and monetarily. I hope some day her biological father gets his shit together. I am not getting my hopes up. I have known him for 15 years and he hasn't made any effort to become a better human being. I absolutely hate it when my children are being hurt , especially when it would be so easy to make her smile. aaarrgggh!!

clearing house

So, due to all the weirdness and strange energy in my home I called in NEPS( North East Paranormal Society) to check things out. They set up cameras and the main activity areas, and brought in a medium who was told nothing about the house. She was able to pick up all the entities I knew were here and give me more information about them. She knew about the woman and child in my daughters room, the man in my sewing room ,and the sad lady in my bedroom .( I was told about the spirits from different friends who visited my house who don't know each other and were not told the house was haunted) She cleared the house by asking angels to come and escort the earthbound entities to heaven , and then placed protective energy around the house to keep other entities from attaching to the house. I am a spiritual person, but I am also analytical and question all I see and hear. I believe she did remove something from this house. The whole house feels lighter. I used to walk into my sewing room and I would want to leave the room, the air was denser and it felt like it was closing up your lungs. This morning that room is brighter and it feels bigger. The other areas that felt "funny" are also brighter and don't give me goosebumps anymore. Whether there is a heaven or a god, I don't know. I think there are things in this world that we can't explain. I do know that there is a different energy in my house this morning and it feels safe and serene. I can't say for certain what was here, but i can say that it's not here anymore.

moon

photo by Jeni Ferguson

moon glow serenity
hiding secrets
calling my soul
lighting pathways
through darkened dreams
i breathe you in

calvary cemetary

Calvary Cemetary NYC
photo by Jeni Ferguson

I spent last weekend in NYC, wandering the Calvary Cemetary. It is the first cemetary I have been in that actually felt like sacred ground. When you enter the gates , the noises of the city seem hushed. I could feel the quiet serenity surround me with a melancholy cloak of peace. Wandering the stones , reading the stories of lives long past, soaking in the beauty and artistry of the stones.

wondering at the humanity inscribed in marble. One could believe in miracles in this space. stepping outside time, a feeling of infinity.

and sadness at the neglect of ancestors' rest, families long forgotten, their descendants not knowing or caring from whence their blood was born. as I travelled deeper into the sanctuary I could almost believe that vampires roamed the grounds

artistic castles built to house souls who never see. still wondering what the heavy chains and padlocks are keeping inside......

Hauntings

Last night Sarah told me she has seen one of the spirits who share the house with us. Very casually she says "mom, I have seen the man", "he stands in my bedroom doorway , but only when the door is open".
 "oh", I said. "what does he do?"
"nothing" she answered. " he just stands there in the low light"

apparently she only sees him at dawn or dusk and she doesn't feel threatened or afraid in any way.

I wonder if that used to be his kids room. maybe he is checking on her .

the little boy spirit tugs my clothing sometimes, like he's trying to get my attention. It's interesting living with spirits.

Previous inhabitants of this house have had bad experiences here. According to my friend who sees/feels spirits they like us. They like the love and laughter we bring here.

i love my bathroom.

yesterday morning I woke up , went to the bathroom , walked the dog, and made tea just like I do every other morning. I sat down to take a sip of tea and that's when things went very wrong. My stomach said oh hell no! and I spent the next 30 minutes dry heaving in the bathroom. After snuggling the cool porcelain for an interminable length of time , I finally felt steady enough to stand. I made it to the kitchen before the next wave of nausea struck and I wash rushing back to my new best friend. I again hugged my porcelain paramour for what seemed like forever , but was in reality probably 20 min. I forced my self to get up and wake  the kids up for school, and then returned to the bathroom for go round number 3, which is when I did something that I never do. I took a sick day and stayed home. I am wise enough to know that if my belly rebels every time I move around, then I will be no good at work. I absolutely hate calling in sick, I feel I have a responsibility to live up to my end of the bargain. So, I snuggled in my recliner and dozed in between bathroom visits. by mid afternoon the worst of the nausea had passed and we were on to watery bowels. In hindsight, I suppose that is a good sign , as it means the bug was working it's way out; or possibly my butt was jealous of my belly's relationship to the porcelain goddess. Either way by about 730pm I was ready to try food , a little chicken soup. My gut clenched and generally made it's unhappiness known, but I managed to keep the food down.

Fast forward to this a.m. , I am feeling much better. A bit of a headache from not getting enough fluids, but I am hydrating as I type. I am a little tired, my stomach is still not 100 % happy but at least it is keeping tea down this morning. I am thankful for this. As for the bowels, I think they are getting back to normal, although I think I can out gas Pumba right now.  I can say I never want to go through that again. I absolutely hate vomiting, and being sick in general.