ruminations

one day I woke up and realized that although he may know my likes and dislikes, things I am interested in , etc.....he doesn't really know my soul .... or my motivations. What he thinks are my guiding reasons..he has completely wrong. After all these years you would think he would have figured that out...but it's not the first time he has been incorrect in his assumptions. I think no matter how many years one spends with another human.. you never really know who they are in their heart. and they will always find ways to surprise you both pleasantly and unpleasantly. we are always growing and changing , always becoming... Ever since the fire...I have seen him change , a slow progression of anger and guilt ... it does not sit well in his heart. He has been feeding the wrong wolf and it grows stronger everyday. my heart hurts watching this happen and there is nothing I can do to help.  I can only pray that he finds his way back love.

taken at Schroon River in Warrensburg NY .

the power of words.

Today I mourn the passing of one of the most amazing women I have ever been blessed to meet. She encouraged every soul she met to be their best. Through the power of written word she taught us life. Bringing us new understanding and lighting the fire of knowledge in each heart she touched. Even now, with high school days far behind me, I can see her smile and the twinkle in her eye as she gently encouraged me to find my own way . She truly believed in every one of her students. She saw potential for greatness and challenged us to surpass it. She walked her talk in all aspects of her life. How do you say good bye to such a soul? Her spirit lives on in all of us. We all carry a spark in our hearts ignited by her enthusiasm for living. Thank you Mrs Deb Breitenbach for being the most amazing you possible, and for showing all of us how awesome life can be. I wish you a heaven full of books, and a chair on the beach in which to read them at your leisure.

dreaming wisdom

last night I had the strangest dream. I was a native american woman living in houses carved on cliffs with my tribe. There were 2 large ravens swooping and circling the cliffs. most of the tribe including myself viewed them as great protectors of our people. This one woman did not , she tried to raise her child to hate the ravens, but her child was friends with my children and I taught her to respect and love them. this so angered the woman she grabbed her bow and tried to kill the ravens. I followed and  saved her life when the ravens would have killed her I asked them to forgive instead her ignorance. as we were walking down from the raven's nest she asked me " Raven you always have hate and anger inside of you, how do you keep it from taking over? " my answer was " you focus on the love" . I woke up with tears on my cheeks. and a new lesson in my heart.

how the rain gods stole the moon

They gathered quietly in the dark, hearts beating ancient tribal rhythms.  Waiting with anticipation for the much feared and lauded Blood Moon to appear in the sky, heads tilted gazing at the black and quiet sky . But the rain gods were jealous of the Blood Moon , and conspired to keep her hidden . They gathered their clouds about her,  hiding her from the adoration below.  The people wondered what had they done , what thing so angered the Blood Moon that she would hide from those who loved her so. And then the rains came , and the people knew who was responsible for their disappointment. They shuffled sadly back into their homes, unable to bask in the chilling red light of the moon, they drifted back into slumber. The rain gods rejoiced and flooded the rivers . such is the way of the world.

BADASSERY

Engaging in seemingly impossible activities and achieving success in a manner that renders all onlookers completely awestruck.  I'm rocking badass every day. Thursday I hope you're wearing your big girl panties.

The Illuminatus Trilogy

The first time the Golden Apple is mentioned in the trilogy is in a pentagon ... The first time I read the trilogy was in the Pentagon ... Coincidence ??.... The universal Eye is crinkling its corners with laughter... Maybe Malaclypse knows ....