re-setting focus

over the last few years I have lost sight of what should be my most important goal. I made choices that did not align with my main objective. first and foremost I am MOM . My main job is being there for my kids and making sure they are healthy and happy. everything else is secondary, at least until they graduate. It was recently pointed out to me, that my oldest daughter really needed me to be more of a presence in her life. and the person who pointed this out was right, and had i not lost my focus I would have realized this on my own. yes, they are teenagers, but this is a time in life when they need guidance the most. when they need their mom. I made this deal when i gave birth to be 100 percent a parent. and lately I have been only 50 to 80 percent parent. so my goal is to get back to 100 percent mom.

blessing

counting my blessings today. I am grateful for all my children, the ones I carried in my belly, and the ones I carried in my heart. I am grateful for my love, my light shines brighter boosted by his spirit. I am grateful for my family, I know they always have my back. I am grateful for my friends, who always seem to know when I need a smile. I am grateful for my quirky home that lately is always full of noise and laughter. My life is awesome mainly due to the fact that I have an amazing assortment of people uplifting my soul in so many little ways everyday. ♥ Life is not about how much you have. My life is rich with soul connections. I have met the most amazing people on my journey. Some have taught me hard lessons, I am grateful for those too for they have helped polish my soul . I am who I am today because of the people that have been a part of my life. 

Feeling thankful for joys and sorrows.

thoughts on marriage

"do you think marriage should be between a man and a woman?" I don't understand this question. It's akin to asking if the moon should be pink or blue, completely irrelevant. Marriage is a celebration of love between two souls both of whom choose to share memories , laughter, and sorrows until they pass from this earth. Two souls who lift each other up , provide each other with comfort , and make each other feel like they are the most important person in the world. Laughing, crying, and living every moment of their lives . Knowing that there is one person who always has your back. Humans were made to love each other, we need that deeper connection for good soul health. When you love someone   you love who they are, gender is not important. Imagine your boyfriend, all the things you love about him, smiles, kindness etc....now imagine all those qualities you love in a womans' body... If you say you would no longer be in love with this person then you don't love him for who he is ...you love him for his penis.

why I no longer look forward to Americade

I love the sound of motorcycles, the feel of the wind in my hair, the freedom of the ride. I enjoy talking to folks who also ride. I used to love americade. Meeting bikers form all over the us and canada who come to the adirondacks to ride and enjoy the scenery. For the most part these folks are kind and courteous. They respect the people who live here , and bring much needed revenue to the local businesses. The last couple years has seen an increase in the asshole contingent. People who have no common courtesy , they drink and drive their bikes at high speeds through our towns. Endangering not only their own lives , but the lives of our children. Last night I group of these assholes decided to rev their engines scream and holler and drag race down main street after 10 pm. Seriously top speed through the main street of town. Idiots! Do what the rest of us do, find a 1/4 mile in the sticks where only the cows will be disturbed. Reckless, inconsiderate , immature jerks who are making a bad name for americade riders, pack your shit and go home. I promise if you hit one of my kids I will end you. If you continue to behave in this manner I will turn you in to the cops , or shoot your tires out. It all depends on my mood( I am PMSing this week it's not looking good for you)

getting on my soapbox.

Recently A beautiful young teenage girl tried to commit suicide. She was being bullied in school. told she was fat, ugly, no one could love her, etc. She has an eating disorder and low self esteem because other people think she needs to look a certain way. I hate that kids are being raised with no respect for others, no compassion. The fact that these kids think it's ok to treat another human being this way and convince them they are worthless, really pisses me off. What the hell is wrong with their parents ! ? I am not a big promoter of violence, but some people need their brains rattled. This girl is intelligent, funny, and beautiful. It breaks my heart to see such potential beaten down by ignorance. And after all this, these bullies are still talking shit about her. I am so disgusted with the direction the human race seems to be taking..stop with all the me me me shit. stop treating people like expendable trinkets.As parents we need to teach compassion and kindness. and here's a thought if your kid is doing the bullying give them consequences to their actions. as a parent if you allow your child to treat people like shit you are just as responsible for the results . as a society we need to rethink beauty. stop telling our children through media that they are not good enough. stop telling them if they don't look a certain way that they don't matter. basically stop being dicks.

A Sunday well spent

Started new gardens . I miss my garden at the old house, but I am excited to redesign my back yard. Possibilities......endless

I just can't comprehend people sometimes.

My ex husbands behavior is so foreign to me.  He tells folks I am keeping his daughter from him, yet he won't call me to schedule parenting time. When , by some miracle, I can get a hold of him he says he is too busy and has no money so he can't pick her up. He doesn't understand that she doesn't want money or to go places where you have to spend money. She just wants quality time hanging out with her dad. There are so many free things to do, take a walk/hike, play one on one basketball , watch movies at his home. The next morning we see photos of him and his girlfriends' boys hiking, hanging out, etc. He calls to ask her to when her games are , and then never shows up. What could be more important than being there for your child? He has no job so his excuse that he has no time is a load of bullshit. Then he has the nerve to call my Fiance and ask him if he can get sports autographs for his girlfriends kids and asks him to be a reference on his resume. Seriously, he got fired a year ago for shoplifting from a store he was working in, he doesn't help support his daughter, there are rumors he is hanging out with jailbait.....what kind of reference does he think he will get?
When it comes to bad decision making my Ex is clearly the king.What angers me the most is watching my daughter hurt due to his poor choices. There is nothing I can do to make this better. I am so glad that my Fiance is in her life. He is a strong , kind, compassionate role model for her, and he supports her emotionally and monetarily. I hope some day her biological father gets his shit together. I am not getting my hopes up. I have known him for 15 years and he hasn't made any effort to become a better human being. I absolutely hate it when my children are being hurt , especially when it would be so easy to make her smile. aaarrgggh!!