breathe

that's what i keep telling myself
just breathe, slow and deep
until the anger passes
until the rage subsides
until i no longer want to slam my fist into your lying face
today, i try to breathe
to let this betrayal flow into the river of the past
breathe
and find my balance again
breathe and find my inner peace
i am not this angry person
how can one change so much in 4 months
breathe
find myself again
lost in disillusionment
lost in a sea of pain
breathe
don't drown in this mess of emotion
breathe
just breathe

liar liar

this is the face of deceit. lips full of lies, eyes hiding her deceitful actions. she told me she was my friend, she told me she loved me like sister, then she had sexual relations with my husband, coming onto him like a hussy rubbing her boobs in is face and shoving her hands down his pants. and she lied for 8 months from june 2009- march 2010...she lied to my face. he should have walked away, but she manipulated him. and now she says he came on to her..liar...the whole town has seen the way you behave when you are drinking at the bar, throwing yourself at random guys.. i personally separated your face from three different guys at the black bear..and had to carry you to the car. my only wish is that everyone can see you for what you truly are..a lying deceitful home-wrecking whore.

Roses

From my garden

awake

a quiet wednesday morning. i watch the sun creep slowly up over the mountain. all is quiet and peaceful...except for fluffy the bunny, i can hear him re-arranging his cage. i am thinking today will be a good day to take the ninja to work. to feel the freedom and solitude , the joy of dipping low into the twisties....

just another day

today i woke up n a strange mood, feeling all shel silverstein , rain in my brain. traveled the garden , checked on the new blooms. went to work, left early. took my middle child to the airport to meet up with her dad. she is spending the summer in florida with the other half of her family. I am excited for her, but i will miss her terribly!! thank goodness for technology. she has a cell phone to send pics, texts, and call mom to say goodnite :)chillen at home now with a glass of red wine. just another day.

poke-o-moonshine

we hiked poke-o-moonshine mountain yesterday. actually had a nice afternoon. enjoyed the beauty of nature, and the cardio workout of climbing 1543 feet in 1.2 miles.

GRRRRRR!!!!!!

why do i even bother trying anymore!?!? i make plans with the husband to spend time together, and he either is too tired, or too lazy to follow through. he begged for a second chance, and does nothing to make our marriage better..yes, he is not fucking other women anymore, great..but he is doing nothing to work on us...we dont talk about anything deeper than who is picking up the kids or the groceries. we spend no time together, although i have tried to plan things with him... what is the point? why do i continue to torture myself , believing that things will work out...he doesn't work for anything in his life. and i am oh so tired of trying

In my garden I consult with Nature, lay the worries and tensions of the day neatly at the feet of the Mother, and then grow something beautiful in their place: a renewed sense of self and spirit.

friday morning

an hour of bodyflow..body feels better...heart is still heavy...time is magical...it heals all, albeit slow as hell...but then its only been 3 months since my world fell apart..i suppose i am doing fairly well considering....or at least i am creating a good illusion for the world to see....at night alone i shatter into a million pieces all over again...

today is gray

how does one let go of the past, how does one live through a great betrayal of trust?
i have no idea how to forgive or forget..i dont even know if i can....
the future is a gray haze of nothing....i am working hard at just getting through each day...some days are really good...some are just gray....i dont know anything anymore...

just gone

lost in a wilderness of emotion
no light to guide my way
blind , bruised, and battered
by your lies and deceit
all i thought i knew as true
is lost
trust and love trampled
ground to dust beneath
betrayal
how can i rebuild
what can be made from dust
grabbing handfuls
i watch sadly
as our life together
sifts through my fingers
carried away
by the winds of change.

becoming positive

May this day be blessed with gifts
Lessons, understanding and friends
May my energy be a gift to all I meet
Let me be centered, healing and open
May I face the day with courage
kindness, insight and compassion
May my spirit and body, honor this day

~abby willowroot~

drama free zone

I am slowly creating a drama free zone. removing those people from my life who are toxic people, liars, drama queens, etc. so why do they keep wanting to come back?!?!?!?! why can't they just go off on their own path and stop straying onto mine..there is a reason you are not making it into my future. honesty and integrity are my core values....if they are not yours walk on by....