morning musings

Up at 530 am. Shoveled snow for 30 minutes . came inside and had a nice cup of tea. listening to the sound of 3 teens getting ready for school. normal everyday stuff, but extraordinarily beautiful. the rhythms of daily life moving me through the day. simple, comforting, and familiar. I have three spirits in my house. A friend who "sees" told me what he knew about them. There is a young boy who passed of possibly small pox, he is the one who is in my cupboards rattling the pots. There is an older woman, she is the boy's mother, I have heard her laughing. Then there is a man who is not related to the other two, I hear his footsteps walking through the house in the early morning. according to my friend they are happy we are living here, they like the family. I guess that's why we have not had as much trouble as the previous folks who lived here. I would like to research the history of the house. It's on my to-do list. I need to get an idea book, so I can jot down all the things that float through my brain. So many projects and so little time to devote to them. I carve out hours each day to do things I enjoy, It's important to have moments of happiness and relaxation. The chores and work can wait .

ramble complete.

random thoughts

photo by Jeni Ferguson. Hudson River North Creek NY

I love the quiet hours of contemplation
sipping tea and marinating thoughts
designing dreams in my head space

what you need/ask for the universe obliges
maybe not your idea of things
but serendipitous things

where you focus your mind/energy
thoughts develop into reality
changing the landscape of life

we are far more powerful
than we believe

messages

woke up this morning and felt energized. cleaned , scrubbed, mopped the entire kitchen. All the while contemplating the conversation I had with my teen daughter the previous evening. She is angry and sad that our life has changed. Even though she loves the new house and understands why we had to leave the old one....She still longs for her "Home" where she took her first steps and said her first words . She misses the large yard and the tire swing. How can I fill that void here and make this feel more like home...I pondered all this while cleaning. I then decided to bake. I made banana bread because the bananas needed to be used. When I picked up the recipe book ...a card fell out...my great grandmother's  doughnut recipe. I remember as a child that yummy goodness , racing to the kitchen to be the first one to try the new batch. just the smell of them cooking made me smile. I remember on halloween , all the kids in the neighborhood wanted Nannie's doughnuts. I used to make them when the girls were small, and they would smile when they smelled them cooking. I have not made them in about 4 years, It's hard to bake love when you are sad and lost. So I began to mix a batch...and the kids could smell them cooking....and they raced to the kitchen to be the first one to try the new batch....and the smiles on their faces ...yeah i know that feeling...love, home, memories, all in a bite flooding through the brain creating happiness. Nannie's doughnuts may not be the answer to everything, but I think it was a good start to making "Home" right here in our hearts. Thanks Nannie for the reminder that it is the small things we do that make a big difference in the lives of those we love.

living

It is so strange the difference I feel living in my new home. I actually want to be home . I love the energy , warmth, and love that is filling this space. I sleep so peacefully here, no waking up 3 or 4 times a night to footsteps on the stairs or pacing by my bedroom door. It is amazing how the absence of one person makes my whole life better. I feel lighter, happier. I did not realize how malignant and oppressive my old living situation was until I left. I did not realize how all that negative energy was effecting me. Looking back, I can only wonder how I survived always being on guard, stressed, and cautious every moment of every day in that house. Life is so much more alive here. I have emerged from a cocoon of despair and entered oz. colors are more vibrant, laughter more infectious, my soul more serene. some days it still feels like a dream, the dream of freedom I have had for the last four years. I am amazed every day that I was able to make it happen. I was able to take my idea of what i wanted in life and make it a tangible reality. I heartily thank the universe for all the little miracles that had to occur for this dream to be. life is good.